From Caracas to London

Thank God there is a positive side to everything, even to being a fastidious virgo. I take no pride in being an obsessive person, one who wastes time and energy getting irritable over minor things or matters that don’t even concern me. I mean, why can’t I just enjoy watching a film while those around me are delighting on their crunchy nachos and pop-corn? Why can’t I allow myself to have a pleasant ride on the tube without being annoyed at the sight of suited men playing games on their iPhones or people wearing masks under their noses? And it is not just about what other people do because as any proper virgo, I also am constantly annoyed at myself. How dare I go about my life with messy looking nails or how not to scold myself for an entire day for sending an email with a spelling error? Us virgos can be the antithesis of fun, I admit it but, like everything else in life, there is a good side to our fastidiousness.

The thing is I am obsessed with sleep, alright? I cherish it, even worship it to the point that I’m not ashamed to admit that my determination to enjoy a good night sleep has very much shaped my character and quite often guides my behaviour. Call me naive if you like but I am truly convinced that one of the reasons why I enjoy a happy marriage and, arguably, healthy relationships with my immediate family and closest friends, has much to do with my obsession with sleep. For my own interest and also in the interest of those who live under the same roof as me, I am simply not willing to sacrifice a good night sleep and will go the extra mile to do whatever needs doing in order to go to bed in peace. So, without further delay, here is my list of tips for a good night sleep, tried and tested by a fastidious virgo.

1. Never go to bed angry: Obviously, I didn’t make this up. This saying is as old as it can be, yet for some reason, many people insist on ignoring it. It is true, however, that not getting angry requires mental strength and courage to get on with those difficult conversations that should follow an argument rather than to delay them. Moreover, not going to bed angry also requires the ability to forgive and ask for forgiveness, a practice many find hard to stomach. If you’re one of those individuals who struggles to say ‘sorry’ and to get rid of old grudges, start exercising those “forgiveness” muscles today for I tell you, nothing will ensure a better night sleep than a grudge-free state of mind.
2. It requires genuine love to forgive and be forgiven, so for those individuals who do not love you and you don’t love back, for those who have the power to intoxicate your sleep because they put you down or stir bitterness in you, just discard them and avoid them as much as your life allows.
3. Shut down your phone early in the evening. Being a fastidious virgo, I know that if I keep checking messages on WhatsApp or my inbox, I will feel the urge to engage and reply. Also, being an early riser, I have noticed that the world tends to get bleaker and daunting after a certain hour in the afternoon, when stress and exhaustion have piled up and reached maximum levels. That’s when I tend to overreact and overthink matters that at 6 o’clock the following morning will shrink in importance.
4. Have a virgo-fastidious ritual before going to bed; your own distinct, soothing one. I need the white noise of a fan on, for example, to tackle my tinnitus, even if its 0 degrees outside. I also need to read a book, wear the comfiest pj’s and have a full cup of water next to my bed.
5. Embrace your dreams, including the nightmares, no matter how weird they are. They don’t need to be overanalysed because they are an essential part of the cleansing process that our brain undergoes every night so we can wake up fresh and renewed the following day.

I remember reading an article about the power of sleep in The Observer years ago, which was accompanied by an illustration of a group of tiny men sweeping a person’s mind whilst they slept. I recalled this picture a few months ago, as I was reading an article about the meditative nature of cleaning and sweeping your house or work space in Japanese Buddhism. Based on the traditional Buddhist principle of “letting go,” a Buddhist Monk called Shoukei Matsumoto wrote a book in which he promotes the daily practice of cleaning to achieve inner peace. He says, “In Japanese Buddhism, we don’t separate a self from its environment, and cleaning expresses our respect for and sense of wholeness with the world that surrounds us.” However, he adds “there is no endpoint to the cleaning practice. Right after I am satisfied with the cleanliness of the garden I have swept, fallen leaves and dust begin to accumulate. Similarly, right after I feel peaceful with my ego-less mindfulness, anger or anxiety begin once again to emerge in my mind. The ego endlessly arises in my mind, so I keep cleaning for my inner peace.”

I like the analogy of cleaning one’s house with cleaning one’s soul and of sleeping as a mind cleansing process. It requires discipline and a bit of fastidiousness to keep our houses clean and, similarly, to develop the habit of at least attempting to purify one’s mind and rid ourselves of the rubbish we accumulate on a daily basis. It is worth trying, nonetheless, even if we fail sometimes and even if tomorrow will demand the same effort from us all over again. I believe that the unifying force behind the metaphorical idea of cleaning one’s mind and spirit has much to do with our capacity to forgive our loved ones and to be able to ask for forgiveness from them when we have been in the wrong. It requires daily practice, strength and humility to forgive and to say sorry but I tell you, if it is for sake of having a good night sleep, I am willing to accept the never-ending challenge of battling with my own ego.