From Caracas to London

One of the best discoveries of my training journey to complete the Paris marathon was podcasts. Up until earlier this year, I had missed out on the fantastic universe of podcasts out there that caters for every taste and every need from listeners across the world. By far, my favourite podcast so far is one with Doctor Gabor Mate, called “The Childhood Lie that’s ruining all of our lives” from The Diary of a CEO. In the podcast, he touches on many topics that resonated with me.

One is the “myth of normal,” that wrong believe that there is a parameter of “normal” in which we should all fit in order to be acceptable. When I was a teenager, I owned a t-shirt with a written sign at the front that read “normal people worry me.” It drew a lot of attention and people often stopped, laughing to tell me that yes, they agreed! In Dr. Gabor Mate’s term, the reason why “normal” is a myth is because each human being is defined by their own experiences -especially those from early childhood- and their responses to best adapt to those unique circumstances. I found a lot of compassion and empathy in his explanation that most illnesses, including those of the mind like Alzheimer’s for example, are the result of unresolved trauma and can be seen as an individual’s best adaptive -their most normal- response to painful and unresolved past experiences.

The second topic that strongly resonated with me from this podcast was the idea of authenticity as the happiest, or at least most peaceful, place to be as humans beings. Embracing who we are and not suppressing our uniqueness in order to fit into someone else’s parameters is a path that leads to a real sense of fulfilment. This can only be achieved, nonetheless, once we are willing to acknowledge our pain and accept what Carl Jung defined as our “shadow” selves: those aspects of our personalities and histories that we would rather suppress and keep in the shadow of ourselves. Dr Gabor Mate says that “the attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.” Thus, we are better off, certainly in terms of inner peace, when we acknowledge our true selves, including those aspects that make us feel upset or ashamed or even angry about our own personal histories.

Today, I just wanted to reflect on my marathon experience but my mind forced me to look at the pains and joys of running 42 kilometres through the metaphorical, and sometimes unsettling, lens of Gabor Mate’s ideas.

The race was actually a joy. I absorbed the Paris atmosphere and the beauty around me as fuel for my not-particularly-pro-athletic-self. I don’t think I will run a full marathon again but I am glad I went through the ups and downs of running it and experienced the tricks the mind plays to get through it. It was very helpful to have listened to a bunch of podcasts about first time marathoners throughout my training as they taught me that there is no such thing as a perfect first marathon. Mine was certainly very imperfect. I had a terrible week in the run up to it with a sore throat and an awful reaction to some hormones my doctor prescribed which gave me strong headaches and nausea.

All of the above was minimised when I received the unbelievable surprise, the day before the race, that my running partner in crime and dearest friend who now lives far away, had come to run the marathon with me. Dr. Mate does not touch on the topic of friendships but that is probably a podcast I will come across at some point and shall share. What would life be, with all its ups and downs, without the support of those gifts from God that we have the luck to call friends?

There were moments of serious pain during the race. Between kilometres 27 and 31 or so I was running in a glorious track along the Seine, where we had to go under the stunning bridges of the river, including Pont d’Iéna that leads from the Eiffel Tower to the Trocadero. My right knee was suffering and every time I had to go on a steep down hill I had to walk, as it almost felt like the knee would snap otherwise. The problem was that every time I started walking, I found it harder to start running again, the attempt to escape from pain was actually leading to more pain, so at one point I decided to just push through it and, incredibly enough, the pain subsided. Adrenaline of course kicked in once I hit kilometre 35 or so. Seeing my husband and two sons every few kilometres was also a joyful source of motivation and then, it just happened: I was crossing the finish line with a huge sense of accomplishment and no regrets.

I strongly recommend the experience but I would never judge anyone for not choosing to complete a marathon. What is important is to be authentic, to embrace our bright selves and our shadow selves and to enjoy the love we get in all its forms because that is a blessing.

Au revoir!